This is too hard.

This is what I get for thinking my job is getting good.

2004-07-27T08:29:58Z

So, I think some chick at work thinks I'm a total creep.

I was looking to see if we had some product (those little fat kidergarten pencils), and she was sorta standing in front of me, so I was looking around behind her for it, and she asked what I was doing. Now, I'm starting to get a little more comfortable at work, so I joke around a little. Now Anna (the "chick") was on vacation until a few days ago, so I've only worked with her like, twice. But as far as my thoughts were going, I'm comfortable at work, therefore I'm comfortable with co-workers, she's a co-worker, therefore I'm comforable with her, right? So I blurt out,
"Oh, don't worry, I'm just checking you out."
"What did you just say?"
"Um, nothing?"
"Did you just say you were checking me out?"
"Uh, yeah, I did." *chuckle chuckle*

Now, she didn't exactly seem super-pissed or anything, but she didn't find it funny either. So either she freaks out and files a complaint or something, and I have to get a new job, or she tells all one million of the other girls we work with that I'm a total sleaze, and I have to get a new job because they make my life a living hell. Or, in an ideal world, she thinks I'm a weirdo and just didn't find the joke very funny.

Crap.

drchicken @ 2004-07-07T02:11:00

2004-07-07T09:17:20Z

So I go in for my interview today, and she gives me a copy of the schedule. With me on it. I'm so cool.

Me and Paul went for all you can eat sushi. I'm surprised we're still alive.

I feel like I'm hungry now, but I'm pretty sure it's my stomach's way of trying to kill me to end it's suffering. Suicide by food actually doesn't sound so bad....

Ranch Roice.

2004-06-22T05:59:39Z

Only a few more days to go! Yeah!

I already have a job interview. They called me at work today. They didn't even bother trying my cell. (It's another Grand and Toy though, so I guess it's OK)

I'll probably be doing a shitty job. Basically telemarketing. "Do you have an account with G&T? No? Well let me tell yo..." *click* Yay! Oh well, minimum wage = a raise for Warren.

Well, I'm bored, so screw you guys.

"Hey, how's it going?" SHIT "Uh, gotta go!"

2004-05-14T02:37:15Z

"If God hadn't meant us to eat each other, he wouldn't have made us out of meat."

Springtime in Calgary! To me that means two things. Super erratic weather (Hot one day, snow the next, hot AND snow the next) and baby ground squirrels.

I walk through Fort Calgary every day on my way to and from work (or anywhere else that I'm going, for that matter) and there's all these ground squirrels all over the place. Lately I noticed that there are some babies around (awesome) and today there was like a million while I was coming home. So I sat down at the edge of where they were hanging out, so as to watch all the babies, and one of the mothers (nipples) came over to me. I was sitting cross-legged, and she hopped up so her front paws were on my knee. Then she moved around so that she was leaning on my hands. Then she squeeked, took a shit, and ran away. Then three came over, and were doing more of the same, and running around me, and one kinda bit my finger. Not hard enough to hurt or anything, I think she was just sorta asking if she was allowed to bite me. Then some Lady walked by and scared them all away. Despite that, it was awesome.

I work too much.

2004-05-01T05:05:51Z

Hey! I am made this one of like one on that chick one. Made it with not today, but other day in here. You is like "What fucking good can it do?". I am like "What fucking good can YOU do? Fucking people." Some, if not all of this will not be good, but it's much fucking work, so you WILL like it.

Today me and him (Matthew), was at work. Good job. Then we went to a house of where they make something good to have in you. More time went, and we went to the house of a pretty chick, where me and pretty chick made out, but Matthew made out with a guy. They would be fucking now, but Matthew gave too good job, and guy was like "I like you! I would have all my life with you!" Matthew was like "You are no more good for me, I just like job." Guy on guy made me sick, we had to go, and I don't get to do it with chick.

Now we are here, house of Matthew, and I do this. Good time!

Good day, all you people.

drchicken's Word Usage

1. i (169)	26. or (23)	51. day (12)	76. hey (8)
2. the (141)	27. one (23)	52. get (12)	77. work (8)
3. a (101)	28. how (22)	53. going (12)	78. way (8)
4. and (100)	29. not (22)	54. now (12)	79. will (8)
5. to (94)	30. have (21)	55. because (12)	80. sick (8)
6. you (71)	31. just (20)	56. only (12)	81. matthew (8)
7. of (64)	32. do (20)	57. know (11)	82. be (8)
8. was (57)	33. got (19)	58. too (11)	83. chick (8)
9. it (56)	34. with (18)	59. when (11)	84. am (7)
10. that (52)	35. today (18)	60. guy (11)	85. them (7)
11. me (44)	36. time (17)	61. where (11)	86. oh (7)
12. for (40)	37. like (17)	62. can (11)	87. as (7)
13. he (39)	38. your (17)	63. job (10)	88. made (7)
14. in (36)	39. all (17)	64. from (10)	89. think (7)
15. on (34)	40. if (17)	65. something (10)	90. house (7)
16. so (30)	41. some (17)	66. good (10)	91. much (7)
17. what (30)	42. we (16)	67. there (10)	92. him (7)
18. my (28)	43. out (16)	68. really (10)	93. people (7)
19. at (28)	44. up (16)	69. here (10)	94. go (7)
20. is (26)	45. an (15)	70. other (9)	95. his (7)
21. about (26)	46. don't (15)	71. they (9)	96. life (6)
22. it's (25)	47. are (14)	72. had (9)	97. make (6)
23. but (25)	48. last (14)	73. more (9)	98. than (6)
24. i'm (25)	49. then (13)	74. went (9)	99. fucking (6)
25. this (23)	50. pretty (13)	75. no (9)	100. would (6)

Username:
Word Count by Hutta.

Siamese cats?

2004-04-27T01:48:52Z

How the hell does rice turn into cat shit after a couple days?! I'm pretty sure it's not even cat-shit-like rice, it's cat-shit in the shape of rice. When you poke it it just reverts to it's natural-shit mushy state. Anyone ever accidentally poked their fingers into cat shit? Yeah, gross. That is a MEAN trick for rice to play on us.

.... What does it do in my stomach?

Oh, hello toilet, what's up?

2004-03-31T05:53:47Z

So, I found out that the worst part about my apartment ISN'T that I live above Elvia, it's that I have hardwood floors, and no bed. Comfort city.

I got punched in the stomach today. Pretty hard. By a co-worker. So what if I made fun of his vision a little? So what if he has some sort of rare eye disease? You'd think he was used to it by now, the jerk.

By the way, how many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

drchicken @ 2004-03-26T21:30:00

2004-03-27T04:35:51Z

Here, I'm doing your fucking survey. You happy?

-What is your name: Warren Kennedy
-No, what's your real name: you know what? WARREN KENNEDY, ASSHOLE
-If you had to choose a label for yourself, it would be: Made of money.
-Where are you: Matthew's couch, where I belong
-Where do you want to be: Matthew's bed, where WE belong.
-What's your favourite vegetable: Onion
-Fruit: Mango
-Dairy product: Havarti cheese, with rosted peppers in it.
-Meat: chicken
-Grain: Rice
-Beverage: iced tea
-Condiment: Cheese Salsa
-Color: BLAAAAAACK
-CD: What have I told you about music?
-Movie: Shrek
-Cancelled TV show: Family guy
-Currently running TV show: I don't even know what's on TV these days.
-Thing about matthew: What "thing"? Anything? He has a face. There. Stupid question.
-Name one thing that annoys you about the last person you talked to: He made me do this fucking survey.
-How many actual friends would you say you have. not mere acquantances: 7, I guess. That includes you, too.
-How many of them are you definitely smarter than: 5
-On a scale of one to fifteen, how smart are you: 12? If I don't know how to answer this one, does that mean I lose points?
-On a scale of one to fifteen, how big are your feet: 11? I haven't bought shoes for awhile.
-On a scale of one to fifteen, how hot are you: Like, 13. I'm wearing a fucking hoodie for some reason.
-On a scale of one to fifteen, how hot was the last person you saw: 7.5
-Who was the last person you dreamt about: Me, stupid.
-Was s/he good: Always
-Sleep or eat: Eat!
-Movies or music: movies
-Paper or plastic: Rubber, wirks WAY better, no chaffing.
-Coffee or beer: beer
-Cold coffee or warm beer: warm beer
-Excessively cold or excessively hot shower: Cold
-When was the last time you had a shower: Yesterday.
-When was the last time you masturbated: Yesterday.
-When was the last time you masturbated in the shower: Not yesterday.
-When was the last time you bought something that cost more than $100: Hard drive and RAM, 6 months or so ago. Nyeeeeeeerd.
-$10: Yesterday. Busy day.
-When was the last time you stole something that was worth more than $10: About a year and a half ago. And add a couple zeroes.
-When was the last time you won $5000 (I swear, this is totally a real survey): yeah, fuck you Matthew
-What was the last CD you bought: Do videogames count?
-What was the first CD you bought, that you still listen to: Beatles, White Album
-What was the last movie you watched: Death to smoochy
-What was the last thing you ate: Shitty Safeway brand Mr Noodles. Bleeech.
-Drank: Iced tea, of course.
-Smoked: Cock
-What are you wearing: Too many shirts.
-In the average day, how much time do you spend not wearing pants: 11 hours?
-In the average day, how much time do you waste: How long have I been here?
-What do you wish you could be doing with your time: time travelling
-Then why don't you: Simple physics.
-What do you hate about yourself: I'm TOO cool.
-Love about yourself: Rippling muscles
-What's your most overused pop culture reference: Ladies man
-Most overused herb or spice: Taco, but it's not OVER used, just the most.
-Most overused article of clothing: Jackass shirt.

What, that's it? That's all you got? That was EASY.

Wazza wazza wow!

2004-03-25T04:13:32Z

Hey kids, I'm back! I'm sure you've all been waiting at your computers for me to update, well, here's all the crap you don't really want to hear but will read anyways for some reason!!! (sucker)

Jen and Michele came to town for spring break. That was pretty cool. Matthew and Michele didn't make out though, unless they managed to trick my videocameras, which is pretty dissapointing. Jen took off her clothes for me. Again. But aside from that (and spending a crapload of money) that was last week.

This week I got an apartment. I move in tomorrow. It's really tiny, but hey, it ain't a closet. It's basically just a room with a counter and stove on one side, and the door to the bathroom on the other. I don't mind though, rent is 350 with utilities (except for electricity, which I phoned to activate today while drinking a beer. I like to drink beer while making official phonecalls. It makes me feel like I'm somehow tricking them), and it's a ten minute walk from downtown. The crappy part is that it's right above Elvia, and not right near Matthew's house (or Badass).

I am now going to go put my laundry in the dryer. (It's called flashback humor)

Ah, someone's a touching my butt....

2004-03-12T22:52:35Z

4 people at work rubbed my leg today. All dudes. One was the assistant manager. Another was the new guy who started TODAY. Oh, and I made out with the new girl.

Had a great fall...

2004-03-07T08:43:27Z

So, the Fairmont didn't hire me. Those bastards ended my interview winning streak. They're the only people that didn't hire me after the interview. I figure I'll keep bugging them about giving me a job until they cave and make me Head Owner CEO Guy. Then I'll fire my brother. (he works at the one in Vancouver)

And what did I do today you ask? Well, it was super interesting. I went to work, where I talked to strange customers with concpiracy theories, (only 3 today), took things out of boxes, put things IN boxes, put boxes in carts, and pushed carts into loading bays. Then I came home, read absentmindedly, sat on the couch and stared at the TV (currently on a paused videogame) and fought (unsucessfully) to keep my eyes open.

Impressive as that may seem, none of that was even the highlight of my day! Today, (bum ba da bum bum ba DUUUM!) we went to Humpty's! Yaaay! No one actually got any real food, me and Matthew got some Cheese sticks and "Cheese Frips" (although they SOUND Japanese, they're really just fried potato slices with cheese), Ben got icecream, and Elvia got an appetizer pizza. At one point we were discussing how funny it would be if all our stuff was actually just McCain, and when the waitress noticed that Elvia's pizza was mostly uneaten, she said "Yeah, I'll take that off your bill, I don't even know why we serve these, they're just McCain pizzas that we throw in the microwave." .... Are they allowed to do that? I mean, sure, it's Humpty's, what can I expect, but this stuff is Instant food! I'm paying them to cook me something, not to heat up something out of a freakin' bag. If I REALLY wanted a McCain pizza, I would go shopping! The on'y thin they have up on me is the table. And I guess the mints. And the microwave. And icecream. Damn, Humpty's is better off than me.

I'm going to throw myself off the balcony now.

My name is Rupert. This is a picture of my cat.

2004-03-03T08:10:17Z

I was going to tell you guys all about my job interview today at the Fairmont, but once I wrote it out it was really lame, and it ended up rhyming, so I'm just going to make something up.

I was just looking at my webpage just now , and I realised something. Quite a bit of it ia actually funny. (in my opinion anyways, and considering I'm the only one that ever went there, that's 100% customer satisfaction). I've been trying to figure out WHY it's funny at all, considering I have a hard time with THIS thing, and I realised that the entire webpage was about how lame my webpage was. Plus I swore more on that. For some reason I have some sort of sub-concious fear of swearing on this. Maybe it's because I know "minors" read it (HA), or maybe it's because someone might actually come here and read this and get offended. You know what? I don't give two fucking shits. What, am I afraid they're going to come and shut me down? GOOD, then I don't have to update any more, which'd probably make everyone VERY happy, because nobody likes me. Where am I going with this, you ask? I'll tell you where. Well, I would, if I knew, anyways.

Sidenote: I think I found my favorite part of my website. Right here.

By the way, how possible is it to write, produce, and star in a play?

Popular!

2004-02-10T09:12:14Z

Today I accidentally stayed an extra 1/2 hour at work. WHAT THE FUCK. I was standing there putting paperclips into a basket (I have the hardest job) subconsiously thinking "Oh man, I can't wait till I get off at 6:00." when one chick I work with says, "Hey Warren, what time do you work 'till?" at which point I check my watch, which reads 5:00, and I remember. I was only supposed to be there until 4:30. Oops. I blame McDonalds Employees. You see, at about 4:00 I got the task of taking the garbage down. The entire building shares a compactor, and when you load stuff in, you're supposed to turn it on. Well, today there was a pile of McDonalds garbage that was taller than the fucking compactor, so I had to wait like half an hour just to get enough room to pile about half my crap on top.

Of course, there is a happy ending to this. Once I got out I phoned Matthew, and it turns out he was only a couple blocks away, so we went to dinner at an East Indian place, and ho-lee shit was it good. The waiter totally sucked though. He wrote our order on a napkin, and was WAY too friendly. We each ordered a side of rice, and he only brought one out, so we were like, OK, theres enough here, we'll just split this. So we scooped it onto the tiny plates that were on the table, and spilled everywhere, because these plates were the kind that you put on top of other plates to keep the food separated. About 5 minutes later he brought us the other one, and some extra plates. But MAN, was the food good.

Journal Entry Attempt Number Two.

2004-02-09T00:23:41Z

Ok, lets try this again. I got paid the other day, meaning I got a phone, some food, and drunk. (403) 829-9754. I still havent recieved any phonecalls, so everybody phone me now.

But the story of the week is THE BAR! Yay! I love bars!

Anyways, we're at the bar, and I go to buy another drink, and hey! No wallet! I asked the bartender, he said ask the bouncer, and he said ask the bartender. So I was like, great, I'm fucked. But then I hear some chicks behind me say "Hey, what did you do with that wallet?" And BINGO! I got it back, full of money still. But thats not all. Awhile later sme chick sat down at our table, and eventually started hitting on me. I let it go, because hey, how often do I get hit on? But then it was getting a little old, so I had to end it. Here it is, in script form.

(A dark bar, funk music playin loudly in the background. 3 guys and a chick sit at a table.)

Chick: "So, I think you're pretty cute."
Me: "Oh."
Chick: "Really cute."
Me: "Oh, thanks."
-short pause-
Me: "I'm sorta spoken for."
Chick: "Oh. I wasn't trying to pick you up or anything."
Me: "Alright, I was just saying."
-long awkward pause-
Chick: "So, that means you have a girlfriend, right?"
Me: "Yeah."
-another long pause. The chick moves from sitting beside me to across the table from me. She starts talking to a guy at the next table over. I go dance for awhile, come back, and she's gone.-

It's a big conflict of emotions here. I mean, I got HIT on! (of course, everyone I was with did....) But at the same time I feel bad for totally shooting someone down like that. Am I a jerk? Should I have brought it up more casually? Pretended to be gay? Oh well. Anyways, I better end this, because I sense a hint of sabotage wafting over from Matthew.

Journal Entry.

2004-02-08T02:14:40Z

I had one, but Matthew fucked it up. Never use Matthew as a mouspad.

Creationism VS Peanut Butterism

2004-02-05T08:49:25Z

"Have you ever wondered if you will get peanut butter as an afterlife?"
- Me

drchicken @ 2004-02-03T21:14:00

2004-02-04T04:24:26Z

And the number one reason to not move to Calgary:
Cold, dry air ensures that your lips are always chapped, and your boogers are always either super dry or frozen, but always causing pain or blood.

I think that's about it. I'm going to go pick my nose now.

Jesus this, Moses that.

2004-01-30T07:10:48Z

Man, money is hard to keep. I think I'm going to get a second job, not only to get more money, but because I don't have enough of a life. A second job will at least stop me from sitting on the couch watching a DVD menu for hours at a time. I'm thinking either resturaunt or mooby theater.

ACTING CLUB. Rehearsal at 9:00, soap making at 11:00.

2004-01-26T06:47:04Z

Acting is impossible.
Acting is the best career ever, and I won't settle for anything else.
I will fail.
I am too smart to fail.
It's not about smarts, it's about dumb fucking luck.
If I try hard enough, I can CREATE luck.
It's too bloody risky.
It's too bloody FUN.
How do you know you're a good actor?
How do YOU know I'm not?
You've never acted.
Whose point does that prove?
Face it, you'll never make it.
I WILL make it, other people can, so can I.
Other people are better, luckier, and prettier than you.
I can do it!
You can end up living the rest of your life as a waiter.
I can end up living the rest of my life regretting not doing what I really want to do.
You can end up living the rest of your life regretting your failure.
Screw you.
Screw YOU.

Day-to-day inside Warren's head. Sorry, this entry was intended to be a little more light-hearted. Here, lets change the subject.

Not only does it call me gay, it's not even a proper haiku! At least it knows I'm a nice guy. I guess that's what I get for putting something like this in here, but hey, all I had to do was type 9 letters and press a button.

Hey look, I'm back!

2004-01-21T02:20:03Z

Hey guys, I totally apologize for not updating, and I'm sure you've been checking like every 20 minutes to see if I have. Sorry, I just don't have time. Or, rather, I have too MUCH time, as I never do anything and therefore there is nothing to write about. But I've been saving up. And forgetting some stuff.

So here's what I remember. Me and Matt almost got locked in a staircase in a really tall building. We also almost got stuck on an elevator, and stuck on the 17th floor of a building. All the same building, all the same day. What can I say, we're persistent.

We went to the bar. Free drimks for poor, poor Warren. Then when the bar closed we went across the street to BP. Mmmm, Cactus Cut potatoes...

Ummm.. that's pretty much it. Except for a guy at work telling me how his asshole burned due to diarrhea today.

drchicken @ 2004-01-12T22:43:00

2004-01-13T05:51:47Z

First day of work today. Was pretty sweet. Me and the manager made fun of another guy because it looked like he had, quote, "spooge" on his back. He claimed it was the assistant managers, but that only made things worse.

All in all, I think it's a pretty good place to work. They apparently go paintballing once in awhile. Sweets.

I'm too tired right now. Screw you guys.

All work and no play.

2004-01-09T19:20:17Z

I got a job today!!! Woo! Grand & Toy, if I didn't already say that. I wish I could remember what I wrote yesterday. I could avoid all this embarassing repetition. I start monday, and I need black shoes. Dun dun DUUUUN!

Hey, never hurts to try, right?

2004-01-09T02:56:50Z

CONSIDERATELY BEST SUITABLE FOR A SINGLE BI OR BI-CURIOUS FEMALE - To room and befriend with a young 60's couple. SIMPLY THIS: We are grown-up adults, caring about friendly compatibility to ensure that our "way of life" will remain the same and being horny on occasion or just being naked in the house would resemble such a compatibly perfect "way of life". $325/month.

I pulled that out of the "Room-mates wanted" section of Calgary's hip newspaper. Strangely enough, this is the third ad I've seen from these people. I also saw an ad for what I can only describe as an orgy club. It was an "Adult Entertainment" club with memberships.

I think I'm starting to enjoy looking for a job. Not the actual looking, but the rush you get with the prospect of getting a job. It makes me feel like the king of the bloody world. Well, not really, but I feel pretty good. It's like loading a pipe with bark, and smoking it because you know there's 12 crack rocks hidden in the multch. Trust me.

Speaking of which, I got an interview tomorrow. I applied at this place a few days ago, and I was in the neihborhood again today, so I walked in and was like "Hi, I don't know if you remember me, but I dropped off a resume the other day, and was wondering if you got a chance to see it?" And he smiled and said, "Yeah, actually. We were just trying to call you. Want to come in for an interview tomorrow?".
Sweeeeet.

CalGARY

2004-01-05T16:36:19Z

Alright, so I live in Calgary now. It's pretty cold. -20 or something. No big deal, I'm super-tough. Nothing really important has happened. I went for breakfast, and I went shopping. Today I look for a job. Wheee!

Swish

2003-12-31T18:49:07Z

Went snowboarding with Jen's family yesterday. See Jen's journal for details.

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